Avoiding All Suffering Is A Fools Game

Suffering

Philosophers, theologians, and psychologists have long recognized that suffering is an inherent condition of human life. The atheist philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche wrote, “To live is to suffer; to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering.” The Catholic Church, which goes back to the time of Christ, teaches that followers of Christ need to carry their cross. Sigmund Freud, an atheist and the founder of modern psychology, wrote, “we are threatened with suffering from three directions: from our body, which is doomed to decay…, from the external world which may rage against us with an overwhelming and merciless force of destruction, and finally from our relations with other men… This last source is perhaps more painful to us than any other.”

Since suffering is a part of life and can cause degradation or personal development, each discipline sought to understand suffering and its role in the human experience. Nietzsche famously stated it this way, “That which doesn’t kill me makes me stronger.” Christ calls his followers to pick up their cross, and so the Christian Church encourages voluntary self-sacrifice, fasting, and the virtue of temperance. Freud believed human beings seek happiness and that to find pleasure, you must experience pain. None sought to eliminate pain and suffering.

“we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope” – Romans 5:3-4

By contrast, much of contemporary culture seeks ever-increasing ease of life and alleviation of any kind of stress. It often views stress and suffering as an indication of something gone wrong. The American Psychological Association defines the discipline of psychology as

“The science of psychology benefits society and enhances our lives. Psychologists examine the relationships between brain function and behavior, and the environment and behavior, applying what they learn to illuminate our understanding and improve the world around us.” (APA)

Yet many within the psychological discipline, practicing with an almost fixation on alleviating suffering, act paradoxically to the APA definition. Many psychologists have simply gone along with modern culture by not understanding suffering and recognizing that suffering is a part of life. They fail to recognize the unreasonableness of this pursuit. Understanding suffering, many clinicians grounded in theological and philosophical perspectives benefit their clients, whether they are religious or not. They can help the client find meaning in their suffering.

Happiness

The modern world seems to think the meaning is equal to happiness and relegates happiness to the highest life achievement. Many believe a happy life is one of no pain or suffering. So people often come to therapy to eliminate unpleasant feelings and stress. People assume adversity and difficult circumstances indicate something is wrong, and they complain. Worse, they withdraw and turn to alcohol or drugs to escape the problem. Freud thought intoxication was the most common way of avoiding pain.

Happiness, however, is not a life void of stress and suffering. The person who becomes truly happy has learned to face stress and adversity. They recognize adversity as an opportunity for growth; they take it as nourishment. Growth-oriented people tend to seek out adversity. They are acknowledging that challenges help them grow.

Science seems to support this phenomenon and reveals the truth behind Nietzsche’s aphorism, the Church’s perennial teaching, and Freud’s perspective. Stress and adversity are necessary for growth and true happiness. Just as our muscles can not grow without being strained, fed nutrients, and finally rested, our minds can not increase without being pushed, nourished, and relaxed. According to Daniela Kaufer, associate professor of integrative biology at the University of California, Berkeley, “Some amounts of stress are good to push you just to optimal alertness, behavioral and cognitive performance.” (2) While chronic stress may damage the production of new neurons in the brain, intermittent stressful events likely keep the brain more alert and help create new neurological synapses. As with muscles, the brain becomes more robust and handles more stress when stressed appropriately.

In his lectures, listeners can often hear famous psychologist Dr. Jordan Peterson echoing Saint Pope John Paul II concluding words in his Apostolic letter “Salvifci Doloris (redemptive suffering) “Suffering…is likewise deeply human because, in it, the person discovers his humanity, dignity, and mission.” (3) Peterson and the Saint are anomalies in the modern world. Yet their message resonates with millions. You can find many comments on a Jordan Peterson video thanking him for his wisdom. It seems what he and others are offering their listeners is something many find intuitive despite our revulsion towards it. Suffering is part of life. More importantly, suffering can be wrangled from and used to better our life.

Learning to Grow

Many people focus on what comes naturally and no longer learn and grow. Through my own experience as a psychotherapist, many of my clients are often relieved when they know that at least some stress need not be avoided but embraced. I once helped a young man who had suffered from drug abuse since 14. He is now 23. He reported feeling like a failure because he found reading at school difficult. Instead of moving through the stress by struggling with learning to read, he retreated to substances and lost years of his life. When I proposed that he could grow by working through the stress of learning to read, he stated, “I never heard that before.”

Another young woman of similar age faced the same challenges in writing. Unfortunately, her father, who did not want to see his daughter stressed, decided to write her high school papers to ensure she graduated. To avoid the pain, she also turned to drugs instead of facing the stress and, like the young man I counseled, was equally surprised when she received my advice. Endowed with a new sense of optimism, both returned to school prepared to embrace the stress of learning.

Although we never intend to add long-term suffering to our lives when we choose short-term ways and refuse to suffer, this is often the result. Paradoxically, both clients created additional suffering by avoiding the stress and anguish of learning. Rather than bearing through the uncomfortableness, they numbed themselves and made far more suffering for themselves and their loved ones.

I was recently invited to give a talk to a group of mostly Catholic men and women of varying ages. The talk was titled, “Why You Need To Carry Your Cross.” I discussed both the supernatural meaning of suffering and the science behind stress. I reminded the predominantly Christian audience that from a metaphysical perspective, in suffering, we participate in the divine mystery of the redemption of the world. And as both Dr. Peterson and Saint John Paul II so eloquently describe, the psychological perspective allows us to discover who we are at our deepest level. Perhaps expecting to hear yet another strategy to alleviate suffering, most attendees were surprised by these two proposals for suffering.

Since suffering is inescapable, I believe the attempt to avoid it is a fool’s game. Moreover, it only leads to chronic stress, which has many adverse effects on our bodies and minds. I have seen in my own life, and the lives of others how finding meaning and purpose in suffering opens the door to a deeper understanding of yourself and may help shine a light on your mission in life. I, like many others, have found that Nietzche was right. What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger. (4)

Suffering

Happiness

Learning to Grow

References